I didn't ask for a Psycome!
by Garden of Avalon
Summary: A Psycho-fied AU of Oregairu. Hachiman finds himself in an odd situation. Lose his freedom, or get sent to a special bording school that reeks of trouble. Had he know what lies ahead...well...it's too late to change now. Everyone here is a Psycho in a way with little regard to human lives.


**This just came out of nowhere.**

I do not own anything. Inspired by many Manga's listed at the end of the chapter.

* * *

 **I didn't ask for a Psycome!**

By Garden of Avalon

 **First and Last Disclaimer I'll be placing. I do not own ANYTHING.**

 **Chapter 0: The Testament of a Sane Mad Man**

They say that at death's door, one always recount their life. You know, those 'Life flashes before my eyes!' thing. I wondered how those went for shitty scumbags? Not saying I wasn't one, at one point, every one of us holds a shitty scumbag within us. It's human nature to be honest.

However, this may be me going senile or crazy with all what's happening. As the thunderous rain poured outside, I took a peak from the nearby corner. Flash lights and sirens of red and blue light was seen. Typical.

The Police, no, the Investigator…or rather a specific one, had always been a head step of me. How unbecoming. She was the one who placed me at that hell hole, and now she's the one accounting me responsible?

"So you've been shot. Not very smart hiding here considering the blood trails don't you think so?"

"Says to the one who smacks her students dead. Literally."

 **Hiratsuka Shizuka stood before me, clothes wet due to the harsh rain and probably the only one who knew I was here.**

"Quite the incompetent team you have there Sensei."

"Indeed they are." She spat back, lighting up a cigarette before she sat across me. She threw some kind of device between us and sighed.

"So mind telling me what happened?"

Huh.

The recounting of tales had always been a thing, even amongst the thriller genre. However, this was far from thriller to be honest. It was…sickening I would say. The hell hole that regards human lives, the hell hole that claims to be a place for the gifted, the hell hole that turns people into monsters instead of their original purpose to rehabilitate them…

This is the story of it. If I were to put a word in it, I wouldn't say my life was bad to be honest. However, had I know what I will go through…well…

I would rather lose my freedom.

I noticed the lights of the device were on, signifying it was activated. So it was a recorder?

"So? How did it all went?"

"You're not worried about my injuries?"

"Seems like you've got that bandage secured. The blood trail was just the left over ones from a bad bandage no?"

"…Damn."

"You know maybe in another life, we could have been proper Student and Teacher you know?"

"…Indeed."

"So…" She huffed and took out her gear and coat and placed it beside her lazily. "Care to start?"

"You sure you don't want to bring me in?"

"Nope. Too much procedure."

"…Fine," I said. As I eyed the broken hole at the ceiling, eyeing the thunderous night sky, I sighed. "I think it would begin when I got out of the hospital…"

* * *

 _ **Sometime Ago…**_

"Fuumuuu…you've got to be more careful!"

"Right…right…"

How wondrous it feels to be doing something for yourself after a month. I scanned the large hospital and made a sentiment smile. I'll miss you hospital, how you treated me nice, the nice food and the eye candy nurses who takes care of me…

 _I'll never forget you Tanaka-san! Just you wait for another six years!_

Hehe.

To be honest, I'd rather stay there all my life. One has to wonder why would someone prefer to be hospitalized rather than going out. Well, if you were just say other person, of course you would question it. However, I am _**not**_ any other person.

This world is filled with idiots running rampant unbeknownst to them about the harsh reality awaiting them. And to be honest I disliked people in general. The sight of people wasting their youth away is enough to make me hurl.

Youth is the best time to establish ones independency, not waste time to have fun or good off, because by doing so, you limit yourself behind bars of raw potential. Example!

A young person dreams to be or have this certain specific job, however, they spend their time goofing off or having fun with so called friends. At the end of the day, he will only provide stellar results and therefore, losing his chance to grasp what he truly wants.

He didn't work hard enough, but even so, there isn't any proper guarantee for ones success, but had you spent more time working hard, you won't feel bettered by your own dreams. Anyway, Komachi and I left the hospital via taxi, where the doctor gave specific instructions I have to stay at home for at least a week more to make sure my leg wasn't busted or something.

Truth to be told, I was already walking normally, but I suppose he knows better. Once we reached home Komachi had prepared us a wonderful dinner and a call from my dearest parents stating they will be working in late.

Isn't that a nice way to greet your son?

By not being there.

But of course, I wasn't a needy child, I know they were busy. Besides, this isn't the first time either.

As we finished Dinner, I caught Komachi dozing off on the couch, apparently she cleaned the house just for her beloved Onii-chan. How sweet. As the good brother I am, I finished up the final chores, insisted Komachi take one final bath before tucking her in. The least I can do is make sure she's well rested and don't fall ill because of me.

She was about to sleep before she mumbled something along the lines of 'milk, grocery, forgot'. As my final good will of the day, I decided to do the final groceries. It was a quick trip to the nearby 24hrs Mart before I left with a carton of milk and several cans of MAX coffee.

Life had been bitter recently, so coffee, should at least be sweet, don't you think so?

Just like this sick throw!

I threw the Canned drink in a manner a basketball player would laugh at, hitting the wall and misaimed the trash can entirely. While I was too lazy to pick it up, my good will won over so being the astounding citizen I was, I approached the trash can. However…

That would change everything.

I picked the Can up before opening the lid to the trash can. While I expected for it to be stinky and disgusting, I was greeted by someone. Or rather, a part of that some one. It was a head with it's eyes gouged out and mutilated hands on it's side.

…

Huh?

A second passed.

I wasn't seeing it right?

….

Huh?

I looked again.

It was a mutilated head and hand.

….

Huh?

And then it clicked me.

…

It was a mutilated head and hand.

 _ **HYUUUUUUOOOOORRRGGGGHHH!**_

And there goes my dinner. As I hurled into the head, I dropped the lid and instantly covered it. What the hell was that?! A sick prank?! It smelled way too bad! The sinking sensation on my stomach came again as I hurled out my final remains of dinner, and my heart beat soared through the sky.

It was disgusting, nauseous, dizzying and crippling at the same time. I wasn't some idiot to hang around here, I took off, leaving behind the trash can. Nope! This screams a whole lot of 'Nope'!

I shall abide by my instincts and take fleet! And hopefully…I shall never experience that again.

…

Fat chance.

Hours later, in the dead of night at 2am in the early morning, an ungodly sound was heard at the Hikigaya's residence. Mother and Father was sleeping heavily, so was Komachi, so I woken up from my slumber to inspect the sound.

It came directly from our door main door entrance. On normal days, I would have ignored it, however, this was not a normal day to begin with. Does this involved what I saw earlier? The earlier images sends the sick feeling to my stomach again and I can only bear so much, so I decided to try my best to contain my hurling in.

I took a deep breath and peeked outside through the glass hole of the door, and saw no one there. What the-

What kind of sick bastard-

" _ **Okay bust it in!"**_

Eh?

 _ **BAM!**_

The sounds of gun shots shooting off the supports of the door was heard, followed by someone kicking the door down.

Eh?

And then several man with guns pointed their weapons at me.

"There he is!"

EEEH?

And then two guys tackled me to the ground!

"Hikigaya Hachiman, you are under arrest for the Dark Alleyway Murders!"

EEEEEHHHHHH?!

* * *

…

...

…

So I guess this is how I spend my first day out of the hospital huh? What I meant by why I prefer to stay in hospital was not entirely…'specific'. See, again, I dislike people in general, they're a bother. They fall to one label and label, and act out on it unconsciously.

I for one go against those labels, I refuse to send to society's will to change what I am. However, all logic thinking like that, to sum it up…well…

Has been thrown out of the gutter.

As I sat before a stereotypical fat policeman, he was giving me the stink eye.

"C'mon!" He taunted. "Just confess up already and we can get this entire ordeal done already!"

How cliché.

I would say 'I didn't do it!' but that would be way too obvious. I wasn't entirely intimidated by his aura, it doesn't seem scary compared to what Mother is when she's cranky in the morning so…

Yeah. Easy as cake. Hopefully.

"Scum like you make me sick."

See there's the problem with you officer. When you interpret someone as negative by giving them negative thoughts without know that person returned those thoughts to you, wouldn't that make _**you**_ the negative one? You've already contradict yourself from the beginning!

Of course me being a smart ass, I kept my mouth shut.

"Geez would you calm down Sir? Your screaming is bleeding my ears…"

At that moment, a cool voice came in as a lady walked into the interrogation room. She looked beautiful and had a lab coat one, and fished out something from her breast pocket that looks like it was about to explode.

"Hiratsuka…what the hell-"

"Why don't you take five yeah? I got this."

"But this is _**my**_ case!"

" _ **Our**_."

Oi.

I'm right here. Don't treat me like I'm some kind of treasure! I'm not that valuable to begin with!

"Captain…" The Lady said and grabbed him by the collar. "You wouldn't want your wife knowing about that HS girl would you?"

HS?

High school girl?!

What scum.

"Tch! You'll regret this Hiratsuka!"

"That's what you said on your third wife's wedding~"

N-Nani…I could have fallen victim to wrong Justice with that guy! I don't know who you are lady but thank you! I'll do anything except things that require effort and manual labor!

She sighed out as her Captain left, before placing herself before me and lit up a cigarette. "You smoke?" She questioned and presented me a pack of open cigarette. At that moment, at that very moment, my opinion of her shut down.

Such a beautiful creature wasted by tobacco. I may be lazy and all but I have my standards! What kind of woman wastes her beautiful health with smoking?

"I'm in my Second Year Ma'am…"

"Of?"

"High school."

She stared at me for a few seconds, before pushing forward a closed file on the table, left by the scumbag Captain.

"Anything here looks familiar?"

I already suspected what was within that so I shook my head.

"Not bothering to open it?"

"Nope."

"So you know what's within that?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

She stared at me for a few more seconds, before signing out. "So why didn't you call the police immediately?"

"…I'll admit that was a mistake on my end…" I sighed out and eyed her back. "I just got out of the hospital awaiting a shitty youth filled High school return, and I wanted some proper rest so…"

"Shitty youth?"

"The mind of masses everywhere are filled with delusion thinking, they waste their youth by having fun and creating bonds when it clearly says that none of those things last forever. People will go in and live out their life, thinking their high school glory and all that, wasting their time."

"The bonds created in this world don't last long, but precious, don't you think so? Also don't call me Ma'am, just call me Hiratsuka."

"Well then, Hiratsuka-san, to elaborate, bonds and friendships are superficial in this world. They can only last long enough but at the end of the day, they will wither away, therefore it is a counterproductive act to do all those things."

"…"

She stared at me for a few seconds, before laughing in a manly like manner, knee slapping and all that. "Pfft! Ahahahaha! You're a riot! What a shitty kid you are! You sure you're not too young to be a serial killer?!"

"And are you not too old to be a Detective of sorts?"

 _ **Hugh?!**_

I felt my air on my lungs leave me as a hard impact hits my chest. Hiratsuka stood next to me with insane speed and a gaze that could kill a man. "Come again?" She leaned towards me. D-Damn it woman! Your tits! It's smashing my chest, which I don't really mind either!

"N-Nothing Hiratsuka-san…"

"Good!" She chirped back and sat back down. "So without any further delay, let us start from point zero. Did you do this?"

"…No."

"I fear that may be the case…"

"You believe me?"

"You don't look like the kind of person to kill someone, at least physically. Those eyes are something else though…"

Gee thanks…

"Besides, spoiler alert, we have little to no evidence regarding the serial killer, and then suddenly their body fluids after years of escaping justice? It simply doesn't make sense. That and call it a detectives gut…"

"…But I assume there is a pause in all this?"

"Smart boy," She admitted and leaned back. "The higher ups are quite the scumbag people, even more so then that Captain just now. Years of not being able to catch this criminal is quite…the pressure from media. Started out three years ago and thirty victims already…and still counting."

I had the sick feeling in my stomach again as I sighed out. "So…they're using me as a scapegoat?" I called out. No use beating around the bush anymore, seriously, I feel nauseous already.

"To be blunt, yes."

"…"

"However, don't lose hope." Hiratsuka said as she stood up and left the room. What the hell was that? My life would be behind bars long before I could even get a chance to experience shitty youth filled High school years. At times like this, I would rather much go through crappy school time then _**this**_.

However…

I would soon find myself regretting those words.

* * *

" _ **Oh come now Hikigaya, is our first meeting**_ _that_ _ **bad?"**_

 **I couldn't help but smirk at her response.**

" **Had I known you were a teacher, I would have chose to discard my freedom then go through what I went through…"**

Still…the pouring rain might as well be the perfect description for what would happen next, and how it changed my life.

" _ **So what happened next?"**_

" _ **You knew what happened. But for the sake of the recording device…well…this is only the beginning."**_

* * *

 **End of Prologue**

I got like one more chapter finished, but that'll be released soon enough. I wanna let you guys know this is a prologue. Oh and below is a list of the things I was inspired on.

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Main Inspiration

 **Psycho Love Comedy/Psycome (Light Novel)**

 **Short and sweet, and definitely retarded. This Light Nov inspired me to make a Psycho-fied Oregairu AU. Seriously, go read it. It's short, but I loved the character immensly.**

Prison School (Manga)

You won't believe the settings of Prison School is one of the biggest factors for this story later on…sort off. Read it.

 **Dead Tube (Manga)**

 **Absolutely the BEST FUCKED UP manga you'll ever read. Mentally challenged people? Check. Graphic Gore that is on par with Hellsing with absolutely no censorship? Check! Low regards towards human lives? Big check. Sex/H-scenes that's hotter then Hentai itself?**

 **Definitely check. Not for the faint of heart, trust me. This is the No.2 biggest inspiration behind Psycome.**

Abnormal Kei-Joshi

While I disliked the Main Character a little bit, I absolutely LOVED his girl toys (that's right, girl toys.) His harem is beyond stupid and fucked up, that is matches the bill. Stalker but a non Yandere? Check! A deranged aloof serial killer? Of course! A girl who he has a BDSM relationship with? Indeed! Borderline incest with Imouto-chan? But of course!

 **Prison Lab**

 **Words can't describe how I recommend this to you guys.**

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Minor Inspiration

The list bellows all have mini inspirations to make this shitty story come to reality, whether it's the character interactions, the fucked up people, or the lack of human lives. Trust me, all of them are in for a nice treat, worth your time.

Mahou Shoujo Site (Manga)

Dark times ahead of us indeed. Poor girls.

 **Rengoku Deadroll (Manga)**

 **Everyone's dies….sort off.**

Infection (Manga)

Basically my replacement for HOTD. REGI-NEE BEST GIRL!

 **Happy Sugar Life**

 **Haven't watched the anime. You know what you're into.**

Tokyo Ghoul and :re

One of the best stories ever made. Nuff said.


End file.
